Love, family and money. These three forces shape our lives – and when they collide, even the strongest relationships can feel a little shaky. We’re often happy to talk about our dreams for the future, the places we want to travel together or the life we’re building. But bring up bank balances and budgets, and things get a bit uncomfortable.
When my husband and I built our first home 20 years ago, we had to figure out how to manage money as a team. Until then, we were used to handling our own salaries and expenses. I was more cautious, wanting to plan down to the last rand, while he was more optimistic to go with the flow. That experience shaped the way we handle finances to this day.
But let’s be honest, nothing puts a damper on Mom and Dad’s date night quite like a disagreement about spending. And it’s more common than we think. A recent Sanlam survey found that nearly 60% of South Africans say money is the biggest stressor in their relationships. With everything from load-shedding to rising food prices stretching our wallets, it’s no wonder we carry the stress of affording life into our relationships.
Nonetheless, money and love needn’t be strangers. Whether you’re saving for a home or dreaming about kids or their aspirations, getting on the same financial page can make a huge difference. When you’re aligned financially, your bond grows stronger – it’s not just about numbers but about creating a future together.
Having mutual goals doesn’t mean everything will be plain sailing. There can be differences. I grew up in a house where saving for a home wasn’t a family affair, but my parents still made it clear that money wasn’t endless. Trips to the grocery store were a lesson in making smart choices. My husband had a different childhood experience. Bringing those worlds together showed us the importance of open conversations about money.
In February 2025 Psychology Today quoted a Beyond Finance survey in which 43 per cent of married couples reported that they can handle financial disagreements. The publication refers to American families, but when it says honesty should be the foundation of such discussions, it goes for everyone. I believe it lets you build stronger connections. It’s not just about the money – it’s about the shared vision that money helps build.
My husband and I try to set time aside for regular “money dates”. They are just a casual catch-up on where things stand – not candles, white linen or spreadsheets. Are we sticking to the budget? What are we both saving for? We chat about month-end stress and plan for holidays. We feel like a team when we share goals and anxieties. We’re thinking about what is best for our daughter, too, and as a 16-year-old, she can now join in.
Every family is unique, and there’s no one-size-fits-all approach to managing money. The key is finding a system that works for your relationship – and sticking to it. A simple starting point is the 50/30/20 rule. Traditionally, it’s about spending 50% of your income on needs (like groceries, housing and bills), 30% on wants (like that weekend getaway) and 20% on savings. But with the rising cost of living in South Africa, these percentages may be romantic. What matters is finding your balance – whether it’s 60/20/20 or something else entirely. The goal is to enjoy today without losing sight of tomorrow.
It is important to remember that life happens. Jobs change, families grow and unexpected challenges arise. As unromantic as it sounds, even conversations about the “what-ifs” can be one of the most loving things you do for each other. Talk about wills, life insurance and retirement plans for both of you. How will you handle family responsibilities if things change?
If things get too tense, you can always consider professional guidance. A skilled financial adviser can facilitate money discussions, ensuring that both partners feel heard and helping to create a plan that works for everyone.
In the end, managing money as a family isn’t about rands and cents. It’s about respecting your differences yet backing each other and feeling secure in the future you’re creating together. Because, after all, the best things in life are free, and what you are building together is priceless. And that’s something worth fighting for.